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i'm good [Oct. 25th, 2011|06:33 pm]
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It hit me, talking to a girlfriend last night That I am good. I am happier than I have been because I am not frustrated about my relationship. I am not Going back to school yet but close. I can start doing things November 8th and classes will start in January. I am on days so even though I still hate my job, I am OK.

So pretty happy weekend with opticsdoug. And a chock filled week - weekend coming up. And probably what will be my last trip to Ohio for a long while. Idk I could be wrong. :-)
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(no subject) [Oct. 12th, 2011|05:24 pm]
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[Current Mood |sadsad]

Single again. This is the best thing for both of us and I do not know Why I am sad. We were long distance and I was more frustrated than ever happy in the relationship. I know it isn't a failure and I know That it was right. But emotions rarely listen to reason. I want to talk to certain people about this just because for no other reason than they are who I want to talk to and they Just are unavailable or seemingly not talking to me. I miss them.

I have stuff planned that I can do and right this moment no desire to do them. Oh well Maybe life will surprise me.
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Snow . . . snow . . . snow [Jan. 31st, 2011|10:03 am]
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[Current Location |apartment]
[Current Mood |tiredtired]
[Current Music |Montgomery Gentry - Speed]

So I am not looking forward to the possibility of dragging myself and my car through the snow just to make it to work and not be able to make it home again in the morning.  In my 30 years of life I have yet to experience a true blizzard, so maybe this will be my first, but why couldn't it happen on a weekend??

A friend from work says that they can bring on as much snow as possible so long as she gets to go to Vegas on Thursday.  I have a feeling her husband isn't saying the same thing as he works for UPS.  She presently is looking for a teaching position and working only a few days a week and doesn't necessarily HAVE to go out in the snow.  

How do you deal with so much snow??

I have been going to the gym for years.  As with all things attendance ebbs and flows due to what life throws at you.  Well last Thursday was my first day back in almost 2 weeks.  One of the guys who works as an all-purpose / janitor, said welcome back and where have you been.  While this guy is a little too friendly for me (flirty maybe), but then maybe I don't think you should meet people at the gym, but it did feel good to know someone had "missed" me.  
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Muse [Mar. 15th, 2010|06:41 pm]
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[Current Location |Bedroom]
[Current Mood |calmcalm]

This past weekend I went to the Muse concert with opticsdoug .  The tickets weren't close or anything but honestly I was lucky to get tickets at all because I kind of had issues logging in and then by the time I did log in they were sold out so much that the best available tickets for public sale were on the 3rd level.  Their light show impressed me greatly, either because it was just impressive, or because I rarely go to HUGE shows.  The only other big shows I have been to were MatchBox20 and somehow that seems on a different level than Muse was.  http://www.flickr.com/photos/35386860@N02/

We also spent the weekend watching fun TV shows in length and drinking and generally just hanging together which we haven't done in a long while. 

Other than this my back / shoulder was awful this morning, no rotation to the right.  I don't know quite where to go with the training documents anymore, I am so near the end that the next steps are hard to see.  I was only gone for one day and the other job was a mess when I came back.  It drives me nuts that I feel like I can't leave / be sick because if I do I spend more time cleaning up the mess that is left for me than I would have done just coming in myself for a few hours.  

Missing J still a lot.  Talked to him a good deal with weekend and while that makes it temporarily better it makes it worse too because you talk about all the things that you want to share with the other person and wish you could do it right then and there.  But since you can't, you hope that you have the sense enough to remember what you said or to at least write it down. 
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Work, interview, J [Mar. 3rd, 2010|05:30 am]
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[Current Location |bedroom]
[Current Mood |calmI need a vacation]

Yesterday I had an interview for a quality assurance position.  I think it went well but I don't think I made the cut.  I think they are looking for someone with more experience, someone who can jump in running a little bit more than I can.  I am okay with this if it is the case.  The job aside from being temp - perm would be sweet.  The worst thing about the interview was the length.  They scheduled it for 2.5 hours total, ended up being 3 because the big boss was late getting to me due to another meeting.  And then he was brusk and blunt, I like it in a person, but at the end of such a long day I wasn't really interested in defending myself.  So between getting up for work and getting home from the interview it was a 14 hour day.  :-( 

At work there is so much to do and every day more and more seems to be added to my plate.  My plate is very full and it seems like I am the only one taking anything.  I have been given some help in the form of TD but I fear in a lot of things we are just going to spend time going around in circles discussing things because her brain doesn't work like mine does.  With my ever growing list I AM going to see J this weekend and next week I have friday off for a Muse concert with opticsdoug .  I am looking forward to both.  Being in J's arms and watching movies on the couch.  I can't think of anything better at this exact moment. 

And now it is time to head into work and just keep trucking.  Maybe I will have another "I'm finished" moment today.  4 documents down, ~20 to go. 
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(no subject) [Feb. 28th, 2010|05:27 pm]
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[Current Mood |blahmissing him]

This week promises to be an interesting one at best.  I need to finish the training documents this week.  That is my goal.  Most of them are 70% complete and have just been sitting on the back burner while I have been keeping the batch records job going.  I wasn't getting it done and it was just getting to be too much for me doing 10 hour days and not feeling accomplished.  The last straw for me was being told that I looked like a strung out cat.  That is when I went from off the fence about whether or not to give batch records back to L.  It is her job and she has had two weeks off of it now to do stuff if she hasn't completed enough well that isn't my fault, it is my turn to complete my stuff.  I have completed 3 training documents so far and I want that to continue exponentially.  I also have to work with another woman about the training schedule / layout.  What we are going to do for them and how we are going to do it.  

Friday I want to go see J, and I want to leave work at 10am since it is such a long drive to Columbus.  Wishful thinking right?  Well I have asked my boss about a half day and since he doesn't seem to care when I come in I am going to continue to come in by  6am.  My brain sadly just functions better in the early hours of the morning.  
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5 days gone . . . 5 days missed [Feb. 20th, 2010|09:43 pm]
tolisten
[Current Location |bedroom]
[Current Mood |lonelylonely]
[Current Music |sugarland -- joey]

As my best friend from highschool said, "Girl you got it bad."  And I guess I do.  And in some ways it is just driving me nuts. 

I had a rough week, for me, at work just because I was putting in 10 hours a day and still feeling like I wasn't accomplishing everything that I could be.  And then someone felt like pointing it out to me that I hadn't worked on his project all week.  Doing two jobs at one time isn't easy and when one of them isn't in order when you get to it and has a lot of problems during the week it doesn't get any easier.  I know I shouldn't let it bother me but it does.  

I envy my friends / family that have someone to come home to, always have.  But the difference is now I have someone I want to come home to and I can't.  Have we talked about moving closer, not specifically.  If I find a new job closer then yay! and as far as him moving never brought the subject up but there was a line in talks somewhere about "where I hang my hat right now".  

Its all still new in a lot of ways but one thing is for certain we both wish the other person was around. 

I also need to get into the habit of packing my gym clothes again.  I didn't make it to the gym much this past week because of the long days and because once I got home I didn't want to leave.  That is not a good thing for my happiness, for my muscles, or for my joints.  

Please . . . someone invent a molecular transporter . . . could use one very much. 
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Valentine's Weekend [Feb. 15th, 2010|07:22 pm]
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[Current Location |Bedroom]
[Current Mood |gloomymissing him]
[Current Music |Melissa Etheridge -- All We Can Really Do]

My first year ever celebrating Valentine's and I got to celebrate it with a very special person. I went a little overboard on my gift compared to him but he did the travelling that is gift enough. We had Friday night as OUR night just because it made more sense to me ;-) and because that is when I cooked my "big" dinner.

He came in on Megabus and after a little confusion on my part about where they drop them off in proximity to Union Station, we ran into each other in the place that I had originally suggested we meet. Resourceful boyfriend :-) girlfriend who easily worries :-( (not looking like that is ever changing). Train ride back went great. Couldn't stop staring all weekend . . . just probably the "He's here feeling".

My dinner was not the resounding success that they have been in the past. Seems like something always goes a little off on my dinners, chocolate soup or in this case alfredo sauce ;-) He wasn't feeling good so he didn't touch the salad and we never made it to dessert. Headache and sleepiness forced us to bed early and the cannolis were Saturday morning breakfast :-)

After a lazy morning with Harry Potter, R and B came over to visit. We played Euchre and R took photos of J and I for us. YAY!


All four of us went to Gordon Biersch for dinner / drinks with B and R. B is a friend / coworker from midnight shift. After that the four of us went back to my place and played another game. J and B seemed to get along real well and I was terribly excited about that. I know I shouldn't doubt that people will like him but his education is so different than the majority of my friends.

Sunday morning was a viewing of Psycho before going to church with _alsmiles_  and her family. A horrible lunch experience at Applebee's followed up by the Matador and the guys having a cigar on the porch.  Home to pizza and cuddling on the couch with more Harry Potter.  

And of course the inevitable has to happen.  He had to go home this morning.  Due to a lack of checking on my part I made him a little nervous about catching his bus because the train arrival was a little close to his departure time.  And then I had to hang around Union Station longer than expected because of lack of making sure about the departure schedule.  

I miss him already.  I am "supposed" to be working.  And all I have done is separate some papers on the table   I somehow don't think I am getting to working on that because I would rather just not and am waiting for him to call to tell me he is home.  
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Arthur Conan Doyle [Feb. 6th, 2010|07:05 pm]
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[Current Location |bedroom]
[Current Mood |bouncystir-crazy]
[Current Music |Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy (New Movie)]

I have never read Sir Arthur Conan Doyle before this month. After seeing Sherlock Holmes in December I decided I wanted to read the stories that inspired that movie. My vision of Sherlock Holmes had always been the stoic, lanky, Brit with Watson being 50 - 60 years old. I was never interested in that BBC show, which is unusual for me because I love BBC.

I finally got around to picking up the ACD stories at the library and after 10 pages in I KNEW I liked the writing style and that I would like the stories. I have every intention of buying these books later and possibly some of his others.

Sometimes I start to wonder that perhaps we should go back to old authors because today's authors are just pitiful dribble. I freely admit when I am reading an author of today that it is a trash book. I find them enjoyable and fast but gone too. Once I have read them I couldn't tell you what I read at all.

Anyways I am in a weird mood. I have been cleaning and straightening all day. I want to see people but they don't want to see me. I want to be with J but so far our lives haven't drawn together so I have to wait still. I want to figure out when I am going to Columbus next but I don't even know what my work schedule is. I need to get out and do SOMETHING.
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What I want [Feb. 6th, 2010|06:44 pm]
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I want the ravages of time to turn back. I want my past to stop following me. I want to stop making the same bad decisions over and over again. I want to be a different person and that isn't going to happen. :-)

Your past follows you. The decisions you've made, are making, and will make are all going to be similar because they are you.

I have had a rough couple of weeks and all I really want is J to be here with me so that we can be together. I won't have him long enough in the slightest. What I want is to have him around long enough that I get glad that I have to go to work because we see too much of each other. Is that too much to ask?
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